Saturday, April 30, 2011

His Will or Mine?

Yesterday was one of those days that changes everything.

For three and a half years I have put my heart, soul, strength and mind into trying to make The Savior's Touch Christian Bookstore a successful business. Suddenly, it is over. I am relieved of my duties and suddenly have nothing but time on my hands. Now what?

I feel betrayed, angry, sad and relieved, hopeful and expectant all at the same time. I recognize that the store has taken time and energy that should belong to my husband and my children. I have managed to overlook that small detail for some time. But the truth remains. I now realize that once again I have been guilty of choosing my will over God's. I have been settling for good instead of holding out for best.

This is not the first time I have been down this detour. My six year stint in a MLM was the same story. I convinced myself that it was God's provision even though it took time and energy that should belong to my husband and children. I believed I was helping people and that I would eventually become wealthy.

My goal at the store was not so much wealth as it was significance. I believed that I was impacting people's lives by listening and sharing. I never expected to make much money so I didn't recognize the fact that I was on the wrong path again.

Today I am grieving the loss of another dream and am praying that the Holy Spirit will enable me to recognize the next detour and avoid it.

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